Just a long explaining post today, you might have noticed I have not been posting regularly since March and then almost non-existent towards the end of April and wanted to explain to whoever was curious. No, I have not stopped blogging but I needed a break.
I started my new uni course back in March and needed to focus on that, so I decided to not stress myself out by trying to keep my three posts a week, and give myself a month, to settle into the course before I came back. I had a few posts already ready, so it was just whenever I found time to edit and post them.
You will then see I did start posting regularly at the start of April, but April was a horrible month for me. My cat Dobby had been sick for quite a while before then. And in April he had surgery to remove something that was restricting his gut movement and wouldn’t pass quickly. But he just kept going downhill, we would take him to the vets and they would put him on medication, he would perk up just to go downhill again when he came home. On April 20th his body just decided it couldn’t fight anymore, and trust me, he was such a fighter, and we did the only thing we could we put him to sleep.
Dobby was a very special dude and I know he is in a better place, I just miss him. So it was a very hard time for me. On top of that, we had a cat coming down from Melbourne we had already organized before Dobby got put to sleep. But we also got handed two kittens and I was not in the right headspace for them, my cat had just died and I hadn’t grieved yet, but I did not say no to them as they needed me and I know that is what Dobby would have wanted.
So mentally I was not doing well, I was pushing my grief down so I could look after these kittens while being very depressed. I had review books coming up and I wasn’t in any headspace to read. The authors were so understanding and I am so grateful for them.
I felt this guilt about having the kittens and opening my heart to them, that since I got the kittens so close to his death, would people not think I loved him and didn’t care about him, which is wrong, I spent two weeks in bed because I was so sad he was gone, I still have days where I just burst into tears because I miss him so much, but I wasn’t in the right headspace to hear that. It was only after I talked to a few people that I was able to work through some of my emotions. And now I am able to start looking at things in a better headspace.
I just wish everyone knew how special he was and he was still here with me. I talk about how Oska helps me with my anxiety, Leroy helps me with my depression, but Dobby helped me through 2020 and my concussion, he never let me feel lonely when I wasn’t able to do anything, when Oska was out with my family Dobby would stay with me. He was like my shadow and that was what I needed.
So there it is guys, I lost someone very special to me and just wasn’t in the headspace to even think about my blog, but I hope this clears it up a bit and am hoping to start my 3 posts a week schedule again. (And if any of you were wondering yes, I did cry writing this)
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